A lot of people want me on facebook because I’m such a cool guy. But I refuse.

I have been told that besides being a big competition to see who has the most “friends”, facebook is “a great networking tool”. I have been peeved for a while that we have allowed the word “networking” to creep into our everyday speech. Networking really means this: Finding and keeping in touch with people in case they prove to be of some utility some day - in other words -? using people.

This must be the case. After all, how many people amongst those “friends” you added have you actually seen or done anything with in the past year?

If I still wanted to be your friend, I would be your friend. If I don’t ever seem to hang out with you,? call you, talk to you on msn, or speak to you in public - chances are I don’t want to be your friend.

I once created an account on facebook just to see who I could find. I found people that I knew as far back as elementary school, but I’m not sure what I would say to them if we spoke again.

“Hey, remember when I pushed you face-first into the gravel, told you I was Jaromir Jagr’s cousin, and told everybody about your gay fantasies?” Good times.

Needless to say, I cancelled my account.

That’s not the way to build common ground. Real friends do things for you, and you do things for them. When they need you to help them move in and out, you’re there. When they’re in the middle of a bad break-up, you’re there. You don’t just leave a frowny face on their message board.

Facebook isn’t the only internet fad that uses the word “friends” when they should be using “contacts” or some other neutral term. Myspace does it as well, along with who-knows how many others.

The point is - we need to get back into the bars, or backyards (it’s barbecue season, biotches!), or living-rooms, or cafes - wherever it may be - and start talking to eachother again. Find out if that “LOL” or really means anything. You may have “contacts” where you thought you had friends.

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